How To Be Cool, step 01: Take up Smoking!

Whether you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or even pipe tobacco, one thing is definitely true: smoking makes you look really cool.

Sure, it poses health hazards and over time slowly murders you, but there’s no denying that while you’re doing it, you look friggen awesome.

One might think that the tobacco industry would come up with safer cigarettes, but that would take away some of the coolness factor. When you’re smoking, you don’t give a crap about what you are doing to yourself: you are simply exhibiting a small portion of how awesome you are.

As a society we work to persecute our smokers. Lawmakers and angry parents with nothing better to do spend countless hours and millions of dollars inconveniencing smokers everywhere just because they’re uncool douchebags, and rather than become cool people themselves, they choose to hurt and attack the American Elite and Trendy.

Now, some people try to smoke to be cool, but they do it wrong. Just being able to smoke isn’t enough. One should take careful consideration into making sure that they are only smoking when it’s awesome to do so. Continue reading