The proper method of responding to a wrong number

Its all happened to us. We write down the wrong number. We remember the number wrong. That cute girl at the bar gave you the number to the pizza place down the street. Somehow, despite all of our best attempts, we send make a mistake and get the wrong message to the wrong person. This is a guide to what to do when you are on the receiving end of that other person’s mistake. Because hey, people won’t learn from their mistakes unless you embarrass them, right? The following information is a true story, and should only be attempted by professionals and jerks.

Hello? Is your refrigerator working? It is? Do you have any beer?

Bush doing his daily prank call to the Kremlin.

Step one is to try and make the other person assume you are person that they were texting to. This sounds easy, but actually takes a bit of work. The professionals do extensive research and accurately replicate the other person’s texting fingerprint. On a side note, fun science fact:

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How to be an Asshole: Fun Ways to Annoy Your Boyfriend!

Like any girl in love, I know that there are times to be a good girlfriend and times to be myself (an asshole).  I try to maintain a healthy balance in order to avoid being too nice or being too big a jerk because either can result in disaster; the former will make Nick suspicious that I want something while the latter could go beyond him thinking my attitude problem is cute and make him break up with me and/or kill me.  There is a happy medium, and it is called “adequately nice.”  What do I mean?  I should think it is obvious, but I will explain.

Being too nice to people after having established that you are, as in my case, kind of an asshole, can hurt them.  How?  In Nick’s case, he is also an asshole, so he knows that if I am being a touch too sweet for too long and for seemingly no reason, I want something that will probably cost him effort and/or money.  In the case of other people, it could encourage false hope in their hearts that you have changed and are becoming a nice person.  This is worse than making Nick think I want something.  Don’t do that.  In the first place, I almost always do want something, so I’m not creating a false belief; in the second place, you probably aren’t going to change so why are you toying with people’s emotions?  (There’s being an asshole and there’s being a douchebag, douchebag!) Continue reading