To All Food/Cooking Program Hosts:

First, I want to tell you that almost no one enjoys food programming more than I do.  In fact, I spend a lot of time watching almost anything on Food Network or Cooking Channel.  (Side note: props to Food Network for remembering its roots and making another channel specifically to actually show more cooking shows and not reality television; that is very Discovery Channel-creating-TLC-circa-late-90’s of you.)  It is partly because I spend so much time watching these shows that I feel comfortable making the following complaints; I certainly have the epistemic privilege to do so, having spent entire hungover Saturdays every week often enough to gather evidence of your hosts’, well, let’s call them annoyances.

I don’t care about the host’s personal life.  If I did, I would google them and look at their wikipedia page like any other person who has been alive for five seconds.  When a show is based almost completely around whatever he or she is pretending to do that day with whomever they mention (I’m looking at you, Giada), it makes me want to cook whatever he or she is making just so I can throw it at the TV.  Or start tweeting details about my personal life at them until they realize how annoying it is and block me.  (Do not test me on this, Food Network personalities.  I’ve done it already, and it worked.  Ask Amanda Freitag.) Continue reading