That was the worst Facebook status I’ve ever seen.

The Staypuft Marshmallow Man

The Staypuft Marshmallow Man

Hello folks. I’m here to comment on a facebook status that I read today. I’m not going to name the person who posted it. It’s not someone I’m going to just go and hang out with I don’t think, nor do I ever think they will see this article. If they were to see it, I would hope that they would come away from it feeling educated and enlightened.

The status in question, nearly an hour after I’ve seen it, has 11 likes and no comments. I had briefly considered defriending the person who made it, but I realized that since I am not friends with any of these likers, I cannot defriend those people. I want to, but I simply can’t unless I sent friend requests to all of them, then suddenly and dramatically defriend all of them. So I remain friends with the person who made this status, and I’m quietly thinking of a way that I can inflict some kind of harm on the 11 likers.

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Why I Switched from Kindle Fire to iPad

iPad with Keyboard Case.

Some months ago, one of my first kittensharks articles was a review of Amazon’s Kindle Fire; I discussed the purchase in terms of what made me decide to buy it instead of an iPad ($$$) and what I found useful about it in terms of my life and how I would be using it. These are pretty general terms for a review, and I still think that, at that time, I made the right decision. Things changed a few months later and I needed more productivity than the Kindle Fire could provide, so I was forced to make a change in devices. Here is the story about how and why I bought an iPad as well as a description of its usefulness to me.

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Updates!

Good news, everyone!

I updated the header image finally.  Love it or hate it, it’s still bright pink, and that’s how it will always be.  I also made a Facebook page (go Like it!!!) because people seem to need that for whatever reason.  Anyway, there are some great new additions coming up today and in the next week, so keep watching!

Also: Zelda’s updated review of the Kindle Fire/iPad situation and new book reviews –  PLUS a new kittenshark!!!

They might as well have just called it Iron Chef: Guarnaschelli.

A magical time of the year is setting upon the land. No, of course I’m not speaking of the winter holiday season. A decade in retail ruined Christmas for me forever. I’m talking about something much more wonderful. I’m talking of course about Next Iron Chef: Redemption.

Some people see cooking shows like this.

I never thought I would be a Food Network enthusiast. I never got that hunger-porn feeling a lot of people get when they watch cooking shows. I don’t even really like food that much. If I’m alone I often forget to eat. I suppose that makes me a poseur. It’s a shame I have to learn to live with.

It was last year that Zelda started introducing me to Food related television. She started me off easy with Good Eats. There were costumes and puppets that would entertain me if the food didn’t. Then it was Chopped. I was hooked pretty much instantly. The judges were awesome to watch. The competitors were always hilarious, whether or not it was intentional. Continue reading

Katie Gray from my 5th Grade Class was and Probably Still Is a Butt Faced Bitch

Recently, I have been waking up from a recurring nightmare. It harkens back to the dark days of my childhood. Specifically it’s this haunting image of the fifth grade. The fifth grade was already a particularly dark time for me. My teacher was an elderly obese bitch named Mrs. West who wore an eyepatch. I’m not kidding. It almost ruined pirates for me a little. One time she made me clean up another student’s blood off a chair because of a blind accusation from a shit-head in my class named Ryan. I don’t remember his last name but if I did I would probably link to his loser facebook profile right here and you could see what kind of an idiot he is.

A Nightmare

Anyway, this is about one particular traumatic event. What is waking me up with cold sweats and the the sensation that my entire decision making process has been sullied comes down to math class. You know, 5th grade math where you learn the same shit you learned in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade again? That math class. One day in that class everything began south. I will forever bear the burden of learning what it means to be confused and unconfident that day.

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Wait, what just happened? Something You May Know

Some of you may be shocked to find out that my posts on kittensharks aren’t supposed to be exclusively about making fun of things that Rob likes. Sometimes I write about things I used to like but pretty much can’t stand anymore. Today I’m going to write about a third type of topic: Something Rob likes that I am in complete agreement on.

Just lump this into the pile with Dr. Who and Lost already, Rob.

I don’t really know how it happened. It was all kind of a blur to me. Rob came to our place for what I had expected to probably be a night of watching Rifftrax or perhaps playing some Beerio Kart, when he blurted out that he wanted to join in some online trivia show. I can’t remember if I actually face-palmed myself or if I just really wanted to at the time. I’ve got nothing against trivia shows and nothing against things Rob likes (despite all evidence to the contrary on the latter), it’s just that when Rob gets into something, he gets into it in such an intense way that I’ll dislike it because I know it isn’t possible for me to enjoy it as much as he does. I secretly envy him. (Okay, it’s not a secret.)

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Official Nikki Martini!

Official Nikki Martini by Nikki Martin (Photo borrowed from Ms. Nikki Martin’s FB page)

I have just been advised by the lovely Nikki Martin herself that she has taken the name devised by your favorite kittensharks and made a much better recipe than the half-assed version we gave you a couple days ago!  Here is her official recipe and photo as well as a link to her Facebook page, where it is posted:

Wondering what to drink tonight while watching Food Network #Star? Sip on a delicious ‘Nikki Martini’.
( Clever Name courtesy of my KittenSharks)

Nikki in a glass: Fun, Flirty, A touch of Spice & Might Bite ya in the Ass Later!

PASSION JALAPENO NIKKI MARTINI

2 oz Silver Tequila
1 oz Lime Juice
1 oz Simple Syrup
1.5 oz Passion Fruit Juice/Puree
1/2 Jalapeno Seeded and Sliced

Muddle Jalapeno slices with lime & simple. Add Tequila and Passion Fruit (Peach or Grapefruit works too)
Shake it like a Polaroid Picture

Strain and Serve up. Garnish with a Jalapeno Slice.

Nikki Martini

Nikki Martini

In honor of Food Network Star contestant Nikki Martin, who was sadly eliminated in last week’s episode, the kittensharks have created a recipe for a martini with grilled.  We forgot to bring our gin to the tiki bar, so it was made with vodka.  Half-assed recipe follows:

 

 

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