The 5 Worst Types of People of 2014

I think we can all admit that 2014 has been an especially horrific year. One look at any news site makes me want to vomit. America’s hometown is riddled with a heroin epidemic. They announced that there could be as many three more Fast & Furious movies AFTER the next one, and Bill Cosby is apparently a serial rapist. (These things are obviously not meant to be weighted against one another, they are all just indisputably bad.)

But it is no one person that is truly awful. It is groups of people that make the world a horrible place to be. Even among these groups there are heroes, people who are not annoying to be around or ruining the whole world. Regardless, here are my five WORST types of people from this year.

5. Zombie enthusiasts

I’ve been saying this for a long time, but zombie kids, YA HAF TA STAHP. I can not stress this enough. I am sure that your precious The Walking Dead is excellent television. I’m not watching it, though, and I have no intention to start. Why? Because you all need to shut up. The entertainment industry was over-doing zombies in 2005, and there has not been any slowdown at all. Zombie enthusiasts have been a perennial entry on this list, even if this is the first time I’m publishing it.

I want to gently remind you that there will NEVER be a zombie apocalypse. The apocalypse will most assuredly come in the form of uninhabitable climate, nuclear meltdown, or both. It will not be a fun adventure where you carry a shotgun and take out the shambling corpses of people you disliked when they were alive. Not going to happen. Now kindly get off the internet and go get a job.

4. Star Wars fans

starwars

You annoying dumbasses. If you’re not crying because Disney had the good sense to say that The Courtship of Princess Leia is no longer part of the Star Wars ‘canon’ you’re whining because a black guy was wearing a stormtrooper outfit in the new trailer. While I have already written an article on here about how the former was the best decision Disney could have made after buying the brand, the fact that you are upset about the latter is practically causing me to suffer a mental breakdown.

Early rumors about the new movie indicated that John Boyega’s character was someone who had made some bad decisions, and wanted to turn his life around. A stormtrooper abandoning the outfit and on the run? Sounds like a pretty cool movie plot. Also, what? Did you idiots actually want the guy who played Jango Fett to be in the new movies? Should ANY element at all about the prequel trilogy ever be acknowledged again? Of course not!

But I will acknowledge it, just this once: I never thought it was the stormtroopers who were racist. The Jedi were the racist ones. They made Mace Windu wield a purple lightsaber because of the color of his skin.

3. Gamers

Actual gamers

 

This was it. 2014 was the year that people who shared in my favorite childhood pastime went from being a bunch of people who liked to pretend to be a plumber/go-kart racer went from being a bunch of unwashed single dudes to full blown terrorists and woman-haters. Again, I already got annoyed enough to write a whole article about it.

2. Law Enforcement

t1000

We are like, one, maybe two more cases of violent police abuse from a full blown revolution breaking out, tops. You guys really need to cool your jets.

1. Voters

voter

 

We as a nation took a look at all the problems we have- poverty, racial issues, gender inequality, the constant threat of impending war, and in no uncertain terms, loudly declared “more of this.”

Ugh.

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