Its all happened to us. We write down the wrong number. We remember the number wrong. That cute girl at the bar gave you the number to the pizza place down the street. Somehow, despite all of our best attempts, we send make a mistake and get the wrong message to the wrong person. This is a guide to what to do when you are on the receiving end of that other person’s mistake. Because hey, people won’t learn from their mistakes unless you embarrass them, right? The following information is a true story, and should only be attempted by professionals and jerks.
Step one is to try and make the other person assume you are person that they were texting to. This sounds easy, but actually takes a bit of work. The professionals do extensive research and accurately replicate the other person’s texting fingerprint. On a side note, fun science fact:
Everyone has a unique texting style or fingerprint. The government has programs that can track who is texting just based on how many OMGs are used and common grammar errors. So you better watch yourself.
Me on the other hand, just take the easier approach and make it seem like I know what I’m talking about.
The true story I have involves a man working for a transportation company. This guy, who texts me that his name was Dave, looking for some guy named Sully (I mean, c’mon!) and apparently was trying to pick someone up to bring them to the airport, or somewhere important, but had the unfortunate luck of texting me instead. He asked if he could pick me up fifteen minutes early. Me not doing anything important, said, sure, no problem. I just asked that he would contact me when he got to where he was going. So sound like I know what I was talking about? Part one: Complete.
Part two involves continuing the conversation and trying to delay the inevitable, the moment when the person discovers that you are actually more awesome then the person they were trying to reach. This involved me for some more time to get ready, about 15
minutes, which makes the text message completely unnecessary. Luckily Dave was willing to wait a bit for me to get ready, because that’s the kind of guy I assume Dave is. I can only assume as we have just met. I finished up this part of the task by asking him to beep his horn when he gets ‘here’. Part two: Complete. Which brings us right into part three..
Part Six. Discovery. So this is the fun part when your mark, or sucker, realizes that they sent the text to the wrong person. If you play your cards right, this is not where the fun ends. Even though part two involved putting this moment, this is the cherry to your jerk sundae. How Dave reacted was that he of course asked if he had the wrong number. He thanked me for keeping him busy on his way to his destination. I said it was a strange coincidence that I was waiting for a guy with the same name. To what he replies, well I didn’t give you my name. If you’ve been paying attention kids, Dave told me his name right away. I told him, Sure Dave, whatever you say. You have to make sure you can squeeze every part of embarrassment out of the situation. He asked me what I was being picked up for, and being the science fiction fan I was, decided to go with a “I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you do that.” I assumed Dave was over the age of 30, and would get the reference. He seemed to not like the subtle joke I made. I told him goodbye, and he expressed that he didn’t get my name to even say goodbye. I told him that he should learn to live with disappointment.
So that is a true story, and the proper method to respond to a wrong number text. You might have to improvise for some of the steps, but you should always follow these basic steps to get the most fun out of the conversation. I know I do. And yes, it has happened to me again since then. When will these suckers learn?