A few months ago, I started the game of thrones with Zelda and Jason since all errrrbody does is talk about how frickin’ great it is. Well…… I do not agree with the general public. THIS SHOW IS FUCKING WEIIIIIRD. So now I am giving this show a second chance but this time i feel like i should commentate it. So here we are watching Season 1 episode 4 skipping over episode 3 because the title and summery sounded dumb.
Food Network Star is a very special show, as far as I am concerned. I got hooked during the 2012 season, and it was something that punctuated what I will probably always consider to be the most amazing and magical Summer of my life.
Every Sunday I look forward excitedly to sitting down on the couch with Zelda and any of the other Kittensharks who happen to be around, turning on Food Network, and then throwing out all kinds of reactionary tweets for one intense hour. The tweeting about it is crucial to the experience. I’ve annoyed my real life friends (sucks to be you, @e_of_pi!), Made some new friends (shout out especially to @Rachaven, who is awesome), and gotten myself blocked by Giada (a Kittenshark rite of passage).
Hello folks. I’m here to comment on a facebook status that I read today. I’m not going to name the person who posted it. It’s not someone I’m going to just go and hang out with I don’t think, nor do I ever think they will see this article. If they were to see it, I would hope that they would come away from it feeling educated and enlightened.
The status in question, nearly an hour after I’ve seen it, has 11 likes and no comments. I had briefly considered defriending the person who made it, but I realized that since I am not friends with any of these likers, I cannot defriend those people. I want to, but I simply can’t unless I sent friend requests to all of them, then suddenly and dramatically defriend all of them. So I remain friends with the person who made this status, and I’m quietly thinking of a way that I can inflict some kind of harm on the 11 likers.
A magical time of the year is setting upon the land. No, of course I’m not speaking of the winter holiday season. A decade in retail ruined Christmas for me forever. I’m talking about something much more wonderful. I’m talking of course about Next Iron Chef: Redemption.
I never thought I would be a Food Network enthusiast. I never got that hunger-porn feeling a lot of people get when they watch cooking shows. I don’t even really like food that much. If I’m alone I often forget to eat. I suppose that makes me a poseur. It’s a shame I have to learn to live with.
It was last year that Zelda started introducing me to Food related television. She started me off easy with Good Eats. There were costumes and puppets that would entertain me if the food didn’t. Then it was Chopped. I was hooked pretty much instantly. The judges were awesome to watch. The competitors were always hilarious, whether or not it was intentional. Continue reading
I have just been advised by the lovely Nikki Martin herself that she has taken the name devised by your favorite kittensharks and made a much better recipe than the half-assed version we gave you a couple days ago! Here is her official recipe and photo as well as a link to her Facebook page, where it is posted:
Wondering what to drink tonight while watching Food Network #Star? Sip on a delicious ‘Nikki Martini’.
( Clever Name courtesy of my KittenSharks)
Nikki in a glass: Fun, Flirty, A touch of Spice & Might Bite ya in the Ass Later!
PASSION JALAPENO NIKKI MARTINI
2 oz Silver Tequila
1 oz Lime Juice
1 oz Simple Syrup
1.5 oz Passion Fruit Juice/Puree
1/2 Jalapeno Seeded and Sliced
Muddle Jalapeno slices with lime & simple. Add Tequila and Passion Fruit (Peach or Grapefruit works too)
Shake it like a Polaroid Picture
Strain and Serve up. Garnish with a Jalapeno Slice.
In honor of Food Network Star contestant Nikki Martin, who was sadly eliminated in last week’s episode, the kittensharks have created a recipe for a martini with grilled. We forgot to bring our gin to the tiki bar, so it was made with vodka. Half-assed recipe follows:
So, tonight we learned that Nikki Martin was eliminated from Food Network Star. If you
know anything about kittensharks, then you know that we are obsessed with Food Network Star. (If you don’t know anything about kittensharks, then you are a jackass.) Kittensharks are traditionally #TeamAlton because, as you know, we are huge fans of Alton Brown. However, through a series of tweets with Nikki Martin, we learned that she is a classy and interesting lady who has some stuff to teach us about grilling food.
Tonight, I was extremely disappointed to see her removed from the running in place of Michelle on Bobby Flay’s team. I think it was a huge mistake in the producers’ decision. Nikki might not be everyone’s idea of “classic” food show host, but she is attractive, interesting and informative. Which is what one ought to want in an informative food show. I don’t eat meat, but I would be interested in some of her tips on grilling vegetables. I don’t know what any of the other contestants would have to say on this subject because they don’t seem to care. I think Nikki does.
I’m going to launch a campaign to get a Nikki Martin Show on Food Network. I think you should join me. Yeah? Do it.
If you are interested in joining, email firstname.lastname@example.org or start tweeting @FoodNetwork that you want a #NikkiMartinShow immediately! Nikki is a classy lady and has a lot to teach us. As a Food Network viewer, that’s what I’m looking for. What about you?
Hi everybody. It’s me again: the world’s biggest Dr. Who fan. I know you haven’t heard from me in over two weeks and some of you have been starting to get worried. Fear not, for I am alive. I have been traveling through time and space just like Dr. Who in his famed DeLorean (and horse-drawn sleigh in the third season). Well, I wish. In fact, I have been in hiding. You see, I have caught a LOT of flack for my previous article about Wholievership. There have been several comments so obscene I absolutely had to delete them, death threats against me and my family, and one guy nailed a copy of Martin Luther’s 95 Theses to my front door, only he changed all of them to be relevant to Dr. Who. Actually that last guy seems pretty cool. I might invite him to join the Secret Order of Wholievers.
Why are so many people outraged? There are a few reasons that an undeveloped mind might find anger at my previous article. I’m here to enlighten and cast away the fury. Learn from my wisdom so that someday you might even become a Junior Member of my secret society.
As everybody already knows, I am pretty much the world’s biggest Wholiever. What is a Wholiever, you ask? It is a Whovian who is so Whovian that it has practically replaced religion in their life. If you have never met a Wholiever that is because you’re probably poorly educated and were raised by assholes. It’s not your fault, it’s your parents’ fault.
Today I wanted to take some time to talk about Dr. Who: a show so good it can only be
compared to itself. Have you watched it? It’s basically your run of the mill medical drama, but it’s super captivating and the characters are astoundingly realistic. This is why the show is called Dr. Who. It’s about this doctor that performs these amazing and risky surgeries every day, but in the end he is just a normal guy like you and me. That’s what makes it so wonderful to see each week when the new episodes debut on the Sci-Fi Channel right after that week’s new episode of Lexx. First I get a boner from watching that sexy space porn, then I get my heart pumping with patriotism watching the greatest American produced television show of all time: the unparalleled Doctor Who.
8:01 PM – Classic #LawandOrder opening!
8:02 PM – Classic Brisco!!! #LawandOrder
8:05 PM – In my #LawandOrder hierarchy, episodes with Abbie Charmichael are the highest. #yay
8:08 PM – Lol “Sports Rage” is the supposed cause of murder in this one. Nice. #LawandOrder
8:09 PM – “He was a great guy; everyone liked him.” Well, obvi not ’cause someone killed him, jackass. #LawandOrder
8:10 PM – Brisco, calm down! The guy was on the pot for 20 minutes because he had the runs! #poop #everyonedoesit #LawandOrder
8:11 PM – Imagine a guy dying where you are a security guard because you left to go get a lottery ticket. You would be a dick. #LawandOrder #lol
8:14 PM – You know what, car commercial? You can just go fuck yourself. #LawandOrder
8:16 PM – #MurderSheWrote reference!!! #LawandOrder